Release from Self-condemnation

Devotions for those who are weary of feeling not good enough, regardless of the source of those feelings.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Thoughts from Day 18: Trust the Lord With Your Tears

Beautiful graphic from Little Birdie Blessings -- visit her site and find encouragement and comfort along with lovely memes such as this one.  

Today I am not, as they say, a happy camper.  

I have spent hours filling out forms and making calls on my mother's behalf this week.  I've talked to people at Medicare, the Department of Veterans Affairs, Kancare, and have consulted with the nursing home director.  With the exception of the VA, who, I am humbly grateful to report, answered on the first ring, each call was preceded by extensive wait times ahead of my being connected with a live human voice. 

I've had a series of health troubles the past two years that have resulted in my being homebound much of the time.  My healthy, robust husband is often told how much younger he looks than his age. No one ever says that to me.  Never.  Not ever.  

I have a root canal scheduled for next week.  

Caregiving issues both minor (uncombed hair) and major (inadequate hydration) have continued at the nursing home where my mother lives, necessitating my frequent visits and interventions.  
Tonight there is a picnic at the nursing home.  I do not want to go to a picnic at the nursing home.  But I will go because my mom will have to go and she needs my presence and support.  

I know the Lord has provided for me during this time.  I am grateful, I really am.  I have not only survived, I have somehow thrived throughout a set of heartbreaking circumstances that entered our lives with my mother's diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease in April of 2004. 

But today, I am sad, and these words from Day 18 help:   

Jesus knows exactly where you are today. He knows the challenges you face and the injuries you have sustained. Don’t open the door either to fear or temptation; remain safe within the boundaries of protected ground; bring all your sorrows to Him.

Prayer:  Lord, we entrust our tears to You. Help us to rest in You and partake of the sustenance You provide through prayer, praise, and Scripture. Help us to appreciate the blessings of silence when we think we would like noise and the peace of solitude when we believe we would prefer company. Thus freed of distractions may we be nurtured by the sweetness of Your presence. We accept the work You've provided and entrust all of our needs into Your hands. Keep us clean of the grumbling state of heart that would prevent us from partaking of the abundance of your comforts, in Jesus' Name we pray, amen.  

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